So in the late summer of 2022, I found out I was pregnant with my first, at 37 years old.
Of course, you can imagine what was running through my head. Am I too old?? Is this baby going to be healthy?? Will I have complications??
My mind was running at a thousand miles an hour. But, what I didn’t expect was to be deeply disgusted by my one and only visit to the OB, who was a nurse midwife.
I can now say with confidence that she did NOT fit the bill of what I thought a midwife would be.
What I expected…
My husband and I knew from the moment we found out I was pregnant was that I did not want to have any medical interventions for the birth. I had it in my mind that I wanted to do this completely medication-free, and preferably at home.
So in my head, when I saw that my primary care offered a nurse midwife, we mistakingly thought that she’d be the type of midwife who would support having a baby with no interventions, and in the best case, she’d also support me having the baby at home.
Man, we could not have been more wrong.
Here’s how the appointment went.
My husband and I walked in, and were sent into a room. The first person (perhaps the medical assistant?) came in and said “hiiiiii, is this ok? Is this good news, or…?” and my husband and I looked at each other and said, “yes, good news! We’re happy!” We figured that was the end of that.
But, no. The assistant to the nurse midwife came in and said the same thing. It got weird, and I got uncomfortable with this assumption that I was supposed to be unhappy with the pregnancy.
But I basically had enough by the time the nurse midwife came in saying the same thing. I looked at my husband, and said, “Yes, we’re happy. This was a surprise, but a happy surprise. We said that to the last two people that came in here.” And she responded with “well we just want you to know that there are options.”
…..options?
All I felt from this gross place was that these people basically pushed for an abortion. So, of course, I was already disgusted.
But the frosting on this nasty cake was when I decided to mention to her that I had every intention of giving birth naturally with no assistance or medical intervention. Her response? “Well, I’d like to run the Boston Marathon, but that can’t be done without some training, so I’d rethink that sweetie.”
Ew.
We were done at that point and I couldn’t wait to get out of there. We left, and never went back.
What happens next?
The second we came home from that awful appointment, we were on the hunt for a midwife. One that saw us eye to eye and knew exactly what we were looking for and – most of all – supported us. And thankfully, we found her, and she was amazing. She assured me that what I experienced was gross, and that yes, I’m absolutely built to do this on my own.
Did any of this strike a chord with you?
If you’ve experienced anything like I have, or feel uncomfortable with your OB, you need to stand up for yourself and know that you deserve far better than something like this. This is YOUR birth, YOUR baby, and you’re entitled to have someone support you in your birth plan.
I wish what I experienced was uncommon, but I’ve been seeing a lot of similar situations to mine come up. A lot of expecting mothers out there have added stress on their shoulders, knowing they have to fight for what they want during the birth. This is complete insanity to me. We have enough to worry about, where this shouldn’t be one of the things on that list.
Your birth is meant to be about you and your baby. Added stressors are unnecessary.
Let me know if you can relate, and give me your thoughts in the comments!
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